So I was txting people in hopes for a relevant topic to discuss on my blog. And this guy I know txted back and offered up this as a topic “Why we tend to sabotage our own relationship.” First let’s discuss what a relationship is. A relationship is:
1. A relation between people
2. A state of connectedness between people (especially an emotional connection).
To sabotage a relationship would be to deliberately act in a destructive or disruptive way to damage a state of connectedness between people.
Ok now that the technical crap is out of the way let’s get down to the real deal. There are two different types of relationships.
1. A monogamous relationship
2. A “fuck”ship (this is a friends with benefits situation)
To mess up a monogamous relationship is simple so if you are one the following people please do not put in an application for monogamy. Don’t even think in terms of monogamy unless you work on why you are what you are. Ok if you are:
1. A cheater – don’t consider anything but the 2nd type of relationship. I don’t even see you being a real friend because if you sexual, emotionally or mentally cheat you will most likely bring that negativity into a friendship.
2. A liar – everyone lies but there is a difference between a liar and a person who might tell a lie to save face once in a while. A habitual liar should not apply for a monogamous relationship because they will find any reason to lie.
There are signs when you are involved with these types of people. It’s just whether or not you choose to except the signs (refer to the previous post).
Now back to the original point of this. Sabotage can happen in a number of ways so here are some so here are some rules:
1. If you feel the need to check through the persons phone records or email you have officially become a stalker. My mother always says whatever is done in the dark will soon come to the light. My thoughts are if you feel you have to snoop to such an extreme it’s because you don’t trust the person. If there is no trust there is no relationship, and therefore you need to kick rocks and keep it moving.
2. If you are with a person because of what they do for you that is not love that is called materialism. You sitting there crying over the fact that person isn’t doing this or not doing that, and you need to be bringing your own qualities to the table.
3. This is close to number 2. If you are dating a person because of how they look then you are very shallow. Now I do agree with the fact that you first see a person’s outer beauty, but at some point you must get to the persons inner beauty.
4. If you are basing the relationship on how the person works sexually you must realize that sex is a learning experience. Each person can learn how to sexually please their counterpart; therefore it should not be the foundation for which you both stand.
5. Lastly, and this is one of the most important rules, take out your iPod, CD thing, go on YouTube (whatever you have), and listen to Beyonce’s “Flaws and All” because everyone has them. You can not scrutinize someone for what they don’t have or can’t do or who they aren’t because you must realize that you have flaws as well.
The second type of relationship is the “fuck”ship aka the friends with benefits deal. If you are involved with one of these types of relationships then please do not pass go matter fact take you butt to jail until you get common sense. There is a 99% chance that this “thing” WILL NOT work. Do not expect that he/she will fall in love and take you home to mom. You are just a screw, just something to do, and most likely not going anywhere. So here are some rules:
1. Don’t you dare think that you are going to get anywhere with this. You are not gonna be the girlfriend or boyfriend in this. Point blank, period, stamp.
2. You have no rights. That means no access to keys, you are not playing house you are just having sex. You are just a concubine, therefore, stop wishing and stop dreaming.
3. Please, please, please don’t become stalkerish, meaning clocking his/her every move, showing up to where they are unexpectedly. That mess isn’t cool nor is it cute. If you can’t handle just being the chick/dude on the side then this type of relationship isn’t for you.
Wrapping this up sabotaging a relationship is easier than making it work. Those that really want to be in a healthy one want it to work and will do what it takes. Those that don’t fall into the trap of “fuck”ships. I ain’t saying that I’m perfect not saying that I haven’t fallen into the latter relationship, but I am saying that it is not a healthy place to be. Until next time have deep thoughts and reflections.
Much love,
DePoetress
Location:Beallsville Rd,3,United States
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