Hey everyone I decided to write this blog because I've come across something I noticed in myself. Let me first say good morning, afternoon, and evening hope all is well in your world. Again if you have any suggestions, questions, or conerns let me know. Also let me know if you are interested in being apart of a guest blog series.
Formalities done? Check! Now if you notice the heading of the topic today's theme is listening. People always say no one learns by talking, but truly by listening. I believe this statement is true, but the problem arises when one person does all the talking and none of the listening. No one person knows everything. If that was case then we would be able figure many issues just by talking to this person. Matter of fact the person would hold the world in their hands. But since they don't exist it is key that everyone does a lil bit of both.
What I noticed was that if I was doing all the talking I wasn't listening and if I was doing all listening I wasn't listening to myself. Let me explain. You can learn alot from people, but at the end of the day you have to listen to your inner self to find the answer. For those of you who are religious you know that God has the final say. If you are not religious then you know to consult with your inner self/conscience.
My point of this post is short and sweet: People always have alot to say and always will. However, alot of people just talk to speak. Or they just talk to disagree and prove what they know. We all do it at some point, but at the end of the day take the time to talk to yourself and then listen. You will find an answer might not be the one you want, but you will get the answer.
Until the next time have deep reflections and thoughts.
Much love,
Depoetress
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
"If it was me I'd beat that ass...(the I love me more series)"
I know you're wondering about the title, but you know I'll explain. Good morning, afternoon, and evening everyone. This post is one of the most important post I'll make. A coworker of mine sent me a picture of a young 15 year old girl whose face was carved into by the hands of an 18 year old female. Why you ask? Because of a boy that happened to be dating the both of them. The older female took it upon herself to place the blame in the young female instead of where it belonged.
I am refraining from using terms such as woman and man because I believe in this instance we are dealing with young girls and boys. We are dealing with a mentally that states "when hurt you must hurt back."
Though this might disturb you it is not what truly disturbs me. Hence my title, as the conversation about this email continued other women responded. In their response they believed that the young 18 year old female was justified in her actions. Now as grown woman I do not understand. Whether the female knew that he had a girl or not is not important. The person who did wrong in this scenario is the young male.
So let me explain something to everyone. Beating up another person because they were the other man or woman is stupid. You are placing blame in the wrong area. Even if there is blame to be attached violence is not the answer. What you must realize is that no one person belongs to another. Whether you're married or single you are still two individual people with seperate perogatives in any situation.
You must also understand that you are not a man because you learn that you can get two women (or in this case girls) at a time. You must definitely understand that you are not a woman if you beat up someone because they are other woman. Now this is not to say that this situation can't be reversed. Women cheat as well, therefore, placing a man in this prediciment.
Now that I have explained my thoughts feel free share your thoughts.
All I ask is that people seriously think about their actions and consequences. Because people are harming others and ending up in situations they don't need to be in.
Before you hurt ask yourself what if the shoe was on the other foot. Most importantly if you aren't satisfied with one the door opens both ways just open it and step out.
Simply put I love myself too much to fight for someone who isn't satisfied with what I can give. As always please have deep thoughts and reflections until next time.
Much love,
Depoetress
I am refraining from using terms such as woman and man because I believe in this instance we are dealing with young girls and boys. We are dealing with a mentally that states "when hurt you must hurt back."
Though this might disturb you it is not what truly disturbs me. Hence my title, as the conversation about this email continued other women responded. In their response they believed that the young 18 year old female was justified in her actions. Now as grown woman I do not understand. Whether the female knew that he had a girl or not is not important. The person who did wrong in this scenario is the young male.
So let me explain something to everyone. Beating up another person because they were the other man or woman is stupid. You are placing blame in the wrong area. Even if there is blame to be attached violence is not the answer. What you must realize is that no one person belongs to another. Whether you're married or single you are still two individual people with seperate perogatives in any situation.
You must also understand that you are not a man because you learn that you can get two women (or in this case girls) at a time. You must definitely understand that you are not a woman if you beat up someone because they are other woman. Now this is not to say that this situation can't be reversed. Women cheat as well, therefore, placing a man in this prediciment.
Now that I have explained my thoughts feel free share your thoughts.
All I ask is that people seriously think about their actions and consequences. Because people are harming others and ending up in situations they don't need to be in.
Before you hurt ask yourself what if the shoe was on the other foot. Most importantly if you aren't satisfied with one the door opens both ways just open it and step out.
Simply put I love myself too much to fight for someone who isn't satisfied with what I can give. As always please have deep thoughts and reflections until next time.
Much love,
Depoetress
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
"Loving enough to choose yourself..."
Hey ya'll I'm back I have been gone for a day or two,but I'm here. I just want to thank my followers and just know that I am following you as well. Again if you have a comment, question or concern please feel free to contact me.
Today's topic came to me today because I was talking to a friend about decisions. In this case it strongly related to the decisions involved in choosing love. As well as, the decisions involved in choosing a love. Before I start talking directly about that I want to introduce the concept of loving yourself in order to find and love someone else. Finding love is first about finding yourself. Ask yourself how can you find what does not already exist inside of you. Therefore, love's key point is to love yourself. You can not give love if it is not apart of you. Another important thought is that you can't look for love with expectations of it making you love yourself. People "find" love because they love themselves and then that love is recognized in another that loves you just as much.
Ok so in order to "Choose love" you must give up. You must get tired of trying it your way allowing for love, and the idea of what you cannot see to take hold. To choose love you choose to understand that it comes in it's own time. To choose love you understand that love is not the one that brings you pain, but it is the actions while "loving" that intercept. Once you wholeheartedly choose and understand love you can make decisions that parallel choosing a love.
These decisions are important because they can keep your heart from going through a lot of breakage.
1. When choosing someone you hope to love you must ask yourself whether or not you can see yourself spending your eternity with them.
2. When choosing someone to love don't choose someone based off of physical. It fades, goes away, gets boring etc.
3. Trust your instincts. Love might not smack you with the answer, but if you listen you will hear.
4. Pressing love into your life by dealing with people you know will lead in heartbreak will get you nowhere. It is also disrepectful to loves work.
5. Last but never the end, love yourself enough to choose yourself. If you become involved in an abusive relationship you must remember that love was there before this person was around. Abuse is not love on any level.
Again these are my thoughts I welcome thoughts and comments. Until next time have deep reflections and thoughts.
Much Love,
Depoetress
Today's topic came to me today because I was talking to a friend about decisions. In this case it strongly related to the decisions involved in choosing love. As well as, the decisions involved in choosing a love. Before I start talking directly about that I want to introduce the concept of loving yourself in order to find and love someone else. Finding love is first about finding yourself. Ask yourself how can you find what does not already exist inside of you. Therefore, love's key point is to love yourself. You can not give love if it is not apart of you. Another important thought is that you can't look for love with expectations of it making you love yourself. People "find" love because they love themselves and then that love is recognized in another that loves you just as much.
Ok so in order to "Choose love" you must give up. You must get tired of trying it your way allowing for love, and the idea of what you cannot see to take hold. To choose love you choose to understand that it comes in it's own time. To choose love you understand that love is not the one that brings you pain, but it is the actions while "loving" that intercept. Once you wholeheartedly choose and understand love you can make decisions that parallel choosing a love.
These decisions are important because they can keep your heart from going through a lot of breakage.
1. When choosing someone you hope to love you must ask yourself whether or not you can see yourself spending your eternity with them.
2. When choosing someone to love don't choose someone based off of physical. It fades, goes away, gets boring etc.
3. Trust your instincts. Love might not smack you with the answer, but if you listen you will hear.
4. Pressing love into your life by dealing with people you know will lead in heartbreak will get you nowhere. It is also disrepectful to loves work.
5. Last but never the end, love yourself enough to choose yourself. If you become involved in an abusive relationship you must remember that love was there before this person was around. Abuse is not love on any level.
Again these are my thoughts I welcome thoughts and comments. Until next time have deep reflections and thoughts.
Much Love,
Depoetress
Thursday, October 22, 2009
"Milk in my coffee...but I'm lactose hmmm"
So recently I was considering the possiblity of dating (or talking to) someone who is not African American. Now as a black woman I was always told to stick with my own kind. Even though alot of black men have been known to venture outside to other flavors. Black men are all that I know, therefore, to date someone who i know I'd recieve negative attention because of our colors bothered me. But as I see others being comfortable enough to venture I wonder about the statement my father made to me. He said: "As a young man I dated white women, but I knew that I would not want to settle down, and have children with them. I always believe that whatever I could find with them (a white woman) I could find that and more in a black woman."
I find it funny that people (including myself) place so much emphasis on interracial dating. As if they are included in the relationship of those two individuals. Needless to say, I have a different respect for those who find love outside of their race.
I don't, however, respect those that date outside their race for shallow reasons. So I'm going to name a few:
1. They have more money than the men/women of my race.
2. They are easier to deal with because they have better attitudes and listen better.
3. They do ____ sexual favors something that the men/women in my race do not do.
4. I don't want to have dark babies. (should really be number 1)
5. He/she is easier to control.
If you are interracially dating someone for those reasons please revaluate yourself. Only because you suck at life. Ok that's enough life lessons for now. Until next time have deep thoughts and reflections.
Much love,
DePoetress
I find it funny that people (including myself) place so much emphasis on interracial dating. As if they are included in the relationship of those two individuals. Needless to say, I have a different respect for those who find love outside of their race.
I don't, however, respect those that date outside their race for shallow reasons. So I'm going to name a few:
1. They have more money than the men/women of my race.
2. They are easier to deal with because they have better attitudes and listen better.
3. They do ____ sexual favors something that the men/women in my race do not do.
4. I don't want to have dark babies. (should really be number 1)
5. He/she is easier to control.
If you are interracially dating someone for those reasons please revaluate yourself. Only because you suck at life. Ok that's enough life lessons for now. Until next time have deep thoughts and reflections.
Much love,
DePoetress
Monday, October 19, 2009
"But I've known him/her forever...well sometimes forever ends quicker than usual"
This has been a topic that has been running in and out of my brain for a
while now. People place so much on these two things in terms of
friendship. Like I said anything I say is my opinion if you don't agree
please feel free to comment. Ok, so here is my thing I don't base my
friendship off of time spent together. Meaning that if I have known you
for 10 years and someone else for 5 years you don't automatically have
seniority in my book. Example, what if you have known someone for 5
years, but they take a turn for the worse. They begin taking drugs (now
this doesn't affect you head on, but because it's your friend you feel
some way about it), then they start disappearing, and so does your stuff
eventually. Are you going to say "Well he/she is my friend I have to
remain a friend because I've known them for 10 years etc." Hell no!
You're going to say call me when you want to try to get your life
together, and I'll be here for you.
Now that's an extreme example, but just take a look at your
relationships in general. I tend to take the level approach, meaning I
take the "what have you done in my life to change me." All my friends
are on different levels some are higher than others, but they are all my
friends. No one is based off time spent because I have a friend that
I've known for five years, but I know that she's not as close to me as
some of my friends that I've known for only two.
Friendship is not time spent it is dependent on levels. It is based off
of what you bring to the table, and how you influence my life in a
positive manner. I'm not going stay friends with someone that brings me
down all the time because they are unhappy with their lives. I don't
care if I've known them for 80 years; I love me more.
The problem is that people base their foundation of a friendship more or
less based on convenience. Convenience means to come in handy or to be
expedient. You become used to the fact that this person is your "friend"
without truly remembering what a friend really is. And if I base it off
of time then I have plenty of friends. Friends are not those who bail on
you for the next best dude/girl in their lives only to come back when it
doesn't work. Friends are ride or die always no matter what is going on.
This is not to say if you are being destructive they will help you
continue with your path. Instead they will pull you out of it.
Look ya'll all I'm trying to say is that a lot of people are not
realizing what the word friend really means let alone what emotions come
along with it. So take this time to re-evaluate those "friends." Easy
way of doing this is to weed out your Facebook/Myspace, and truly just
realize that not everyone on there is a friend they are something like
an associate. Be comfortable in that and you will relieve a lot of
problems that you face. Especially when it comes to your personal
because the more associates know the less private your life becomes. Ok
ladies and gents that's my advice for this blog. At the end of the day
the word "friend" is being used a little too much for comfort. Like I
said any points or comments please feel free write. Until next time have
deep reflections and thoughts.
Much Love,
DePoetress
while now. People place so much on these two things in terms of
friendship. Like I said anything I say is my opinion if you don't agree
please feel free to comment. Ok, so here is my thing I don't base my
friendship off of time spent together. Meaning that if I have known you
for 10 years and someone else for 5 years you don't automatically have
seniority in my book. Example, what if you have known someone for 5
years, but they take a turn for the worse. They begin taking drugs (now
this doesn't affect you head on, but because it's your friend you feel
some way about it), then they start disappearing, and so does your stuff
eventually. Are you going to say "Well he/she is my friend I have to
remain a friend because I've known them for 10 years etc." Hell no!
You're going to say call me when you want to try to get your life
together, and I'll be here for you.
Now that's an extreme example, but just take a look at your
relationships in general. I tend to take the level approach, meaning I
take the "what have you done in my life to change me." All my friends
are on different levels some are higher than others, but they are all my
friends. No one is based off time spent because I have a friend that
I've known for five years, but I know that she's not as close to me as
some of my friends that I've known for only two.
Friendship is not time spent it is dependent on levels. It is based off
of what you bring to the table, and how you influence my life in a
positive manner. I'm not going stay friends with someone that brings me
down all the time because they are unhappy with their lives. I don't
care if I've known them for 80 years; I love me more.
The problem is that people base their foundation of a friendship more or
less based on convenience. Convenience means to come in handy or to be
expedient. You become used to the fact that this person is your "friend"
without truly remembering what a friend really is. And if I base it off
of time then I have plenty of friends. Friends are not those who bail on
you for the next best dude/girl in their lives only to come back when it
doesn't work. Friends are ride or die always no matter what is going on.
This is not to say if you are being destructive they will help you
continue with your path. Instead they will pull you out of it.
Look ya'll all I'm trying to say is that a lot of people are not
realizing what the word friend really means let alone what emotions come
along with it. So take this time to re-evaluate those "friends." Easy
way of doing this is to weed out your Facebook/Myspace, and truly just
realize that not everyone on there is a friend they are something like
an associate. Be comfortable in that and you will relieve a lot of
problems that you face. Especially when it comes to your personal
because the more associates know the less private your life becomes. Ok
ladies and gents that's my advice for this blog. At the end of the day
the word "friend" is being used a little too much for comfort. Like I
said any points or comments please feel free write. Until next time have
deep reflections and thoughts.
Much Love,
DePoetress
L O V E... What does it mean....
Love is not physical
Is not mental
It's not even spritual
love is not saying
I love them
Because they are beautiful
Or because they have a way with
Words and sentences
Or even because they love God
Love is invisible
Going past what you
Can see or feel or imagine
Love is wind moving
The leaves on a tree
It the idea of not
Understanding why
But knowing it is right
Unexplainable
With limitless availibilty
When you've found the right one
You don't love through words
Or touch or beauty
You love through what is unseen
Unheard and not felt
Human nature
Instinct joining two souls
Before they even meet
Is love
Is not mental
It's not even spritual
love is not saying
I love them
Because they are beautiful
Or because they have a way with
Words and sentences
Or even because they love God
Love is invisible
Going past what you
Can see or feel or imagine
Love is wind moving
The leaves on a tree
It the idea of not
Understanding why
But knowing it is right
Unexplainable
With limitless availibilty
When you've found the right one
You don't love through words
Or touch or beauty
You love through what is unseen
Unheard and not felt
Human nature
Instinct joining two souls
Before they even meet
Is love
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Tea and crumpets....but more like chocolate and ice cream...vanilla yum!
Reflection time ladies and gents...ponder this statement: "Reflection only gives insight on what you say without speaking. What you feel without bleeding. Therefore, you should take the time to reflect on everything not just yourself but the people around. Not in a judgemental way, but a way that you can understand them. Just try it you'll be surprised by what you find" ~ DePoetress
Much Love,
DePoetress
Much Love,
DePoetress
“Funny how you don’t think you fit into this category sometimes...”
So I was txting people in hopes for a relevant topic to discuss on my blog. And this guy I know txted back and offered up this as a topic “Why we tend to sabotage our own relationship.” First let’s discuss what a relationship is. A relationship is:
1. A relation between people
2. A state of connectedness between people (especially an emotional connection).
To sabotage a relationship would be to deliberately act in a destructive or disruptive way to damage a state of connectedness between people.
Ok now that the technical crap is out of the way let’s get down to the real deal. There are two different types of relationships.
1. A monogamous relationship
2. A “fuck”ship (this is a friends with benefits situation)
To mess up a monogamous relationship is simple so if you are one the following people please do not put in an application for monogamy. Don’t even think in terms of monogamy unless you work on why you are what you are. Ok if you are:
1. A cheater – don’t consider anything but the 2nd type of relationship. I don’t even see you being a real friend because if you sexual, emotionally or mentally cheat you will most likely bring that negativity into a friendship.
2. A liar – everyone lies but there is a difference between a liar and a person who might tell a lie to save face once in a while. A habitual liar should not apply for a monogamous relationship because they will find any reason to lie.
There are signs when you are involved with these types of people. It’s just whether or not you choose to except the signs (refer to the previous post).
Now back to the original point of this. Sabotage can happen in a number of ways so here are some so here are some rules:
1. If you feel the need to check through the persons phone records or email you have officially become a stalker. My mother always says whatever is done in the dark will soon come to the light. My thoughts are if you feel you have to snoop to such an extreme it’s because you don’t trust the person. If there is no trust there is no relationship, and therefore you need to kick rocks and keep it moving.
2. If you are with a person because of what they do for you that is not love that is called materialism. You sitting there crying over the fact that person isn’t doing this or not doing that, and you need to be bringing your own qualities to the table.
3. This is close to number 2. If you are dating a person because of how they look then you are very shallow. Now I do agree with the fact that you first see a person’s outer beauty, but at some point you must get to the persons inner beauty.
4. If you are basing the relationship on how the person works sexually you must realize that sex is a learning experience. Each person can learn how to sexually please their counterpart; therefore it should not be the foundation for which you both stand.
5. Lastly, and this is one of the most important rules, take out your iPod, CD thing, go on YouTube (whatever you have), and listen to Beyonce’s “Flaws and All” because everyone has them. You can not scrutinize someone for what they don’t have or can’t do or who they aren’t because you must realize that you have flaws as well.
The second type of relationship is the “fuck”ship aka the friends with benefits deal. If you are involved with one of these types of relationships then please do not pass go matter fact take you butt to jail until you get common sense. There is a 99% chance that this “thing” WILL NOT work. Do not expect that he/she will fall in love and take you home to mom. You are just a screw, just something to do, and most likely not going anywhere. So here are some rules:
1. Don’t you dare think that you are going to get anywhere with this. You are not gonna be the girlfriend or boyfriend in this. Point blank, period, stamp.
2. You have no rights. That means no access to keys, you are not playing house you are just having sex. You are just a concubine, therefore, stop wishing and stop dreaming.
3. Please, please, please don’t become stalkerish, meaning clocking his/her every move, showing up to where they are unexpectedly. That mess isn’t cool nor is it cute. If you can’t handle just being the chick/dude on the side then this type of relationship isn’t for you.
Wrapping this up sabotaging a relationship is easier than making it work. Those that really want to be in a healthy one want it to work and will do what it takes. Those that don’t fall into the trap of “fuck”ships. I ain’t saying that I’m perfect not saying that I haven’t fallen into the latter relationship, but I am saying that it is not a healthy place to be. Until next time have deep thoughts and reflections.
Much love,
DePoetress
1. A relation between people
2. A state of connectedness between people (especially an emotional connection).
To sabotage a relationship would be to deliberately act in a destructive or disruptive way to damage a state of connectedness between people.
Ok now that the technical crap is out of the way let’s get down to the real deal. There are two different types of relationships.
1. A monogamous relationship
2. A “fuck”ship (this is a friends with benefits situation)
To mess up a monogamous relationship is simple so if you are one the following people please do not put in an application for monogamy. Don’t even think in terms of monogamy unless you work on why you are what you are. Ok if you are:
1. A cheater – don’t consider anything but the 2nd type of relationship. I don’t even see you being a real friend because if you sexual, emotionally or mentally cheat you will most likely bring that negativity into a friendship.
2. A liar – everyone lies but there is a difference between a liar and a person who might tell a lie to save face once in a while. A habitual liar should not apply for a monogamous relationship because they will find any reason to lie.
There are signs when you are involved with these types of people. It’s just whether or not you choose to except the signs (refer to the previous post).
Now back to the original point of this. Sabotage can happen in a number of ways so here are some so here are some rules:
1. If you feel the need to check through the persons phone records or email you have officially become a stalker. My mother always says whatever is done in the dark will soon come to the light. My thoughts are if you feel you have to snoop to such an extreme it’s because you don’t trust the person. If there is no trust there is no relationship, and therefore you need to kick rocks and keep it moving.
2. If you are with a person because of what they do for you that is not love that is called materialism. You sitting there crying over the fact that person isn’t doing this or not doing that, and you need to be bringing your own qualities to the table.
3. This is close to number 2. If you are dating a person because of how they look then you are very shallow. Now I do agree with the fact that you first see a person’s outer beauty, but at some point you must get to the persons inner beauty.
4. If you are basing the relationship on how the person works sexually you must realize that sex is a learning experience. Each person can learn how to sexually please their counterpart; therefore it should not be the foundation for which you both stand.
5. Lastly, and this is one of the most important rules, take out your iPod, CD thing, go on YouTube (whatever you have), and listen to Beyonce’s “Flaws and All” because everyone has them. You can not scrutinize someone for what they don’t have or can’t do or who they aren’t because you must realize that you have flaws as well.
The second type of relationship is the “fuck”ship aka the friends with benefits deal. If you are involved with one of these types of relationships then please do not pass go matter fact take you butt to jail until you get common sense. There is a 99% chance that this “thing” WILL NOT work. Do not expect that he/she will fall in love and take you home to mom. You are just a screw, just something to do, and most likely not going anywhere. So here are some rules:
1. Don’t you dare think that you are going to get anywhere with this. You are not gonna be the girlfriend or boyfriend in this. Point blank, period, stamp.
2. You have no rights. That means no access to keys, you are not playing house you are just having sex. You are just a concubine, therefore, stop wishing and stop dreaming.
3. Please, please, please don’t become stalkerish, meaning clocking his/her every move, showing up to where they are unexpectedly. That mess isn’t cool nor is it cute. If you can’t handle just being the chick/dude on the side then this type of relationship isn’t for you.
Wrapping this up sabotaging a relationship is easier than making it work. Those that really want to be in a healthy one want it to work and will do what it takes. Those that don’t fall into the trap of “fuck”ships. I ain’t saying that I’m perfect not saying that I haven’t fallen into the latter relationship, but I am saying that it is not a healthy place to be. Until next time have deep thoughts and reflections.
Much love,
DePoetress
Funny how you don’t think you fit into this category sometimes...
“Funny how you don’t think you fit into this category sometimes...”
So I was txting people in hopes for a relevant topic to discuss on my blog. And this guy I know txted back and offered up this as a topic “Why we tend to sabotage our own relationship.” First let’s discuss what a relationship is. A relationship is:
1. A relation between people
2. A state of connectedness between people (especially an emotional connection).
To sabotage a relationship would be to deliberately act in a destructive or disruptive way to damage a state of connectedness between people.
Ok now that the technical crap is out of the way let’s get down to the real deal. There are two different types of relationships.
1. A monogamous relationship
2. A “fuck”ship (this is a friends with benefits situation)
To mess up a monogamous relationship is simple so if you are one the following people please do not put in an application for monogamy. Don’t even think in terms of monogamy unless you work on why you are what you are. Ok if you are:
1. A cheater – don’t consider anything but the 2nd type of relationship. I don’t even see you being a real friend because if you sexual, emotionally or mentally cheat you will most likely bring that negativity into a friendship.
2. A liar – everyone lies but there is a difference between a liar and a person who might tell a lie to save face once in a while. A habitual liar should not apply for a monogamous relationship because they will find any reason to lie.
There are signs when you are involved with these types of people. It’s just whether or not you choose to except the signs (refer to the previous post).
Now back to the original point of this. Sabotage can happen in a number of ways so here are some so here are some rules:
1. If you feel the need to check through the persons phone records or email you have officially become a stalker. My mother always says whatever is done in the dark will soon come to the light. My thoughts are if you feel you have to snoop to such an extreme it’s because you don’t trust the person. If there is no trust there is no relationship, and therefore you need to kick rocks and keep it moving.
2. If you are with a person because of what they do for you that is not love that is called materialism. You sitting there crying over the fact that person isn’t doing this or not doing that, and you need to be bringing your own qualities to the table.
3. This is close to number 2. If you are dating a person because of how they look then you are very shallow. Now I do agree with the fact that you first see a person’s outer beauty, but at some point you must get to the persons inner beauty.
4. If you are basing the relationship on how the person works sexually you must realize that sex is a learning experience. Each person can learn how to sexually please their counterpart; therefore it should not be the foundation for which you both stand.
5. Lastly, and this is one of the most important rules, take out your iPod, CD thing, go on YouTube (whatever you have), and listen to Beyonce’s “Flaws and All” because everyone has them. You can not scrutinize someone for what they don’t have or can’t do or who they aren’t because you must realize that you have flaws as well.
The second type of relationship is the “fuck”ship aka the friends with benefits deal. If you are involved with one of these types of relationships then please do not pass go matter fact take you butt to jail until you get common sense. There is a 99% chance that this “thing” WILL NOT work. Do not expect that he/she will fall in love and take you home to mom. You are just a screw, just something to do, and most likely not going anywhere. So here are some rules:
1. Don’t you dare think that you are going to get anywhere with this. You are not gonna be the girlfriend or boyfriend in this. Point blank, period, stamp.
2. You have no rights. That means no access to keys, you are not playing house you are just having sex. You are just a concubine, therefore, stop wishing and stop dreaming.
3. Please, please, please don’t become stalkerish, meaning clocking his/her every move, showing up to where they are unexpectedly. That mess isn’t cool nor is it cute. If you can’t handle just being the chick/dude on the side then this type of relationship isn’t for you.
Wrapping this up sabotaging a relationship is easier than making it work. Those that really want to be in a healthy one want it to work and will do what it takes. Those that don’t fall into the trap of “fuck”ships. I ain’t saying that I’m perfect not saying that I haven’t fallen into the latter relationship, but I am saying that it is not a healthy place to be. Until next time have deep thoughts and reflections.
Much love,
DePoetress
So I was txting people in hopes for a relevant topic to discuss on my blog. And this guy I know txted back and offered up this as a topic “Why we tend to sabotage our own relationship.” First let’s discuss what a relationship is. A relationship is:
1. A relation between people
2. A state of connectedness between people (especially an emotional connection).
To sabotage a relationship would be to deliberately act in a destructive or disruptive way to damage a state of connectedness between people.
Ok now that the technical crap is out of the way let’s get down to the real deal. There are two different types of relationships.
1. A monogamous relationship
2. A “fuck”ship (this is a friends with benefits situation)
To mess up a monogamous relationship is simple so if you are one the following people please do not put in an application for monogamy. Don’t even think in terms of monogamy unless you work on why you are what you are. Ok if you are:
1. A cheater – don’t consider anything but the 2nd type of relationship. I don’t even see you being a real friend because if you sexual, emotionally or mentally cheat you will most likely bring that negativity into a friendship.
2. A liar – everyone lies but there is a difference between a liar and a person who might tell a lie to save face once in a while. A habitual liar should not apply for a monogamous relationship because they will find any reason to lie.
There are signs when you are involved with these types of people. It’s just whether or not you choose to except the signs (refer to the previous post).
Now back to the original point of this. Sabotage can happen in a number of ways so here are some so here are some rules:
1. If you feel the need to check through the persons phone records or email you have officially become a stalker. My mother always says whatever is done in the dark will soon come to the light. My thoughts are if you feel you have to snoop to such an extreme it’s because you don’t trust the person. If there is no trust there is no relationship, and therefore you need to kick rocks and keep it moving.
2. If you are with a person because of what they do for you that is not love that is called materialism. You sitting there crying over the fact that person isn’t doing this or not doing that, and you need to be bringing your own qualities to the table.
3. This is close to number 2. If you are dating a person because of how they look then you are very shallow. Now I do agree with the fact that you first see a person’s outer beauty, but at some point you must get to the persons inner beauty.
4. If you are basing the relationship on how the person works sexually you must realize that sex is a learning experience. Each person can learn how to sexually please their counterpart; therefore it should not be the foundation for which you both stand.
5. Lastly, and this is one of the most important rules, take out your iPod, CD thing, go on YouTube (whatever you have), and listen to Beyonce’s “Flaws and All” because everyone has them. You can not scrutinize someone for what they don’t have or can’t do or who they aren’t because you must realize that you have flaws as well.
The second type of relationship is the “fuck”ship aka the friends with benefits deal. If you are involved with one of these types of relationships then please do not pass go matter fact take you butt to jail until you get common sense. There is a 99% chance that this “thing” WILL NOT work. Do not expect that he/she will fall in love and take you home to mom. You are just a screw, just something to do, and most likely not going anywhere. So here are some rules:
1. Don’t you dare think that you are going to get anywhere with this. You are not gonna be the girlfriend or boyfriend in this. Point blank, period, stamp.
2. You have no rights. That means no access to keys, you are not playing house you are just having sex. You are just a concubine, therefore, stop wishing and stop dreaming.
3. Please, please, please don’t become stalkerish, meaning clocking his/her every move, showing up to where they are unexpectedly. That mess isn’t cool nor is it cute. If you can’t handle just being the chick/dude on the side then this type of relationship isn’t for you.
Wrapping this up sabotaging a relationship is easier than making it work. Those that really want to be in a healthy one want it to work and will do what it takes. Those that don’t fall into the trap of “fuck”ships. I ain’t saying that I’m perfect not saying that I haven’t fallen into the latter relationship, but I am saying that it is not a healthy place to be. Until next time have deep thoughts and reflections.
Much love,
DePoetress
Location:Beallsville Rd,3,United States
Friday, October 16, 2009
Ring ring! Collect call from the past do you choose to accept?
I used to get mad at my ex when he would do this. Ever had someone
that you dated, messed with, or just used to kick it with so tight you
could have been mistaken for family. Ok then picture that person
dropping
off the radar. Only to mysteriously come back into the picture like
someone just released from prison. This person is now looking for a
place to lay there head hence the collect call. The question is
should you answer. I called it the "bored rolodex effect". If it's
someone
you were messing with they might have come back because who they wanted
didn't want them. If it's a "friend" the conversation goes something
like: "Girl/Man where you been?" or "I was just thinking about you." The
problem with this is that it occurs every time they find a new girl/man.
Like was saying I call this the "bored rolodex effect." Let me explain
if one day you find yourself missing someone you have thought about in 6
month you are suffering from this. The only reason why you are calling
this person is because you know, or think you know, that person will
answer as they have always
answered in the past. My advice is if you have someone like this in your
life delete them from every gateway they have of contacting you. This
not a bitter move, but a free space move. No one wants to be someone's
desperate last resort. Which is you should be able to let people like
that go. You can tell a lot
about a person from their facebook, myspace, and/or phonebook. If you
have people on your page that randomly added you or people you barely
talked to when you knew: You don't know how to let go. If you
still have ex flings or lovers in your phone from 3 years ago then you
don't know how to let go (I mean sometimes you can become friends and
regularly talk). If you keep "friends" on your page or in your phonebook
after they
repeatedly pull disappearing acts: then you don't know how to let go.
Moral of the story if you receive a collect call from the past due to
the "bored roledex effect"
tell operator you decline because your life was fine before they
decided they "missed" your behind. Once again have deep thoughts and
reflections.
Much love,
DePoetress
that you dated, messed with, or just used to kick it with so tight you
could have been mistaken for family. Ok then picture that person
dropping
off the radar. Only to mysteriously come back into the picture like
someone just released from prison. This person is now looking for a
place to lay there head hence the collect call. The question is
should you answer. I called it the "bored rolodex effect". If it's
someone
you were messing with they might have come back because who they wanted
didn't want them. If it's a "friend" the conversation goes something
like: "Girl/Man where you been?" or "I was just thinking about you." The
problem with this is that it occurs every time they find a new girl/man.
Like was saying I call this the "bored rolodex effect." Let me explain
if one day you find yourself missing someone you have thought about in 6
month you are suffering from this. The only reason why you are calling
this person is because you know, or think you know, that person will
answer as they have always
answered in the past. My advice is if you have someone like this in your
life delete them from every gateway they have of contacting you. This
not a bitter move, but a free space move. No one wants to be someone's
desperate last resort. Which is you should be able to let people like
that go. You can tell a lot
about a person from their facebook, myspace, and/or phonebook. If you
have people on your page that randomly added you or people you barely
talked to when you knew: You don't know how to let go. If you
still have ex flings or lovers in your phone from 3 years ago then you
don't know how to let go (I mean sometimes you can become friends and
regularly talk). If you keep "friends" on your page or in your phonebook
after they
repeatedly pull disappearing acts: then you don't know how to let go.
Moral of the story if you receive a collect call from the past due to
the "bored roledex effect"
tell operator you decline because your life was fine before they
decided they "missed" your behind. Once again have deep thoughts and
reflections.
Much love,
DePoetress
The signs are there why you going on red?
So if you know me on facebook you know my status sounds half angry and
half self reflective. Point blank if a man or woman shows you who they
are (subtle signs mostly, but sometimes sirens flaring) then that is
who they are. There is no "maybe I can change him/her" or my favorite
"If I do this he/her will see that I am the one." None of that works
because if they want to change they will on their own without your
assistance. Now these next few lines are important. The question is not
does he/she want you because people will take what you will give. So
what you should be asking yourself is what do they want from me and what
is it going to cost me?
Example, this person may say they don't want to hurt you, but will
still alow you to give your all. Leaving you hanging on to a false hope.
Signs clearly state that they don't want you, but they will take what
you give. Therefore, in the end he can say "well I told you I didn't
want to hurt you, but you kept pushing it" Ladies and Gents take head.
This scene is a clear sign that u don't need to pass go and you probably
don't need a relationship on any basis. The reason I say this is because
you haven't figured out what you are worth. This is not 100%, but I've
seen it enough. Point blank if they show that they cheat (happens in
most cases where they have cheated on another and that's how you two
ended up
together) then that's what they are. If they lie they are liars. If
they show physical and/or mental abuse then, guess what, that's how they
have always been. It's an almost guranteed chance that signs are shown
early on and if you ignore them then yes you are undoubtly a dumbass.
Personal example, fell for a guy who loved another and told me this
early. Thought I could change him long story short it didn't happen.
But damn if he didn't take everything I gave him mentally, physically,
and emotionally. Whose fault is it? If you answered his then you have
learned nothing go back and reread. That's my advice for this post.
Until next time have deep thoughts and reflections.
Much love
DePoetress
half self reflective. Point blank if a man or woman shows you who they
are (subtle signs mostly, but sometimes sirens flaring) then that is
who they are. There is no "maybe I can change him/her" or my favorite
"If I do this he/her will see that I am the one." None of that works
because if they want to change they will on their own without your
assistance. Now these next few lines are important. The question is not
does he/she want you because people will take what you will give. So
what you should be asking yourself is what do they want from me and what
is it going to cost me?
Example, this person may say they don't want to hurt you, but will
still alow you to give your all. Leaving you hanging on to a false hope.
Signs clearly state that they don't want you, but they will take what
you give. Therefore, in the end he can say "well I told you I didn't
want to hurt you, but you kept pushing it" Ladies and Gents take head.
This scene is a clear sign that u don't need to pass go and you probably
don't need a relationship on any basis. The reason I say this is because
you haven't figured out what you are worth. This is not 100%, but I've
seen it enough. Point blank if they show that they cheat (happens in
most cases where they have cheated on another and that's how you two
ended up
together) then that's what they are. If they lie they are liars. If
they show physical and/or mental abuse then, guess what, that's how they
have always been. It's an almost guranteed chance that signs are shown
early on and if you ignore them then yes you are undoubtly a dumbass.
Personal example, fell for a guy who loved another and told me this
early. Thought I could change him long story short it didn't happen.
But damn if he didn't take everything I gave him mentally, physically,
and emotionally. Whose fault is it? If you answered his then you have
learned nothing go back and reread. That's my advice for this post.
Until next time have deep thoughts and reflections.
Much love
DePoetress
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Untitled
He fucked me crazy
I mean into insanity
Like lost my mind
Thinking he could be mine
It was thunder
Kissing lighting
Traveling lightly
Down my veins
Imprinted in amazement
Engraved with
Fire hot ice
Cooling in order
To balance
Becoming the
Yin and the yang effect
Fucked me into the future
Screwed out of the past
Brutalized my present
Blinded by his
Rapture
Craving satisfaction
That only
The general could handle
But darkness
Became lighted
By more than scented candles
Appearing like the
Prodigal jade
Her stone shone
Brighter than
Any promises that
I could give
Her emerald
Radiated like ruby
And topaz crystals
And he reached for her
And she became
What she always been
History, his story
Leaving me contemplating
Acceptance or misery
My heart he made coal
And I thank him
Because now
When I find him
I mean truly find him
It will shine
For him and only him
As a diamond
I mean into insanity
Like lost my mind
Thinking he could be mine
It was thunder
Kissing lighting
Traveling lightly
Down my veins
Imprinted in amazement
Engraved with
Fire hot ice
Cooling in order
To balance
Becoming the
Yin and the yang effect
Fucked me into the future
Screwed out of the past
Brutalized my present
Blinded by his
Rapture
Craving satisfaction
That only
The general could handle
But darkness
Became lighted
By more than scented candles
Appearing like the
Prodigal jade
Her stone shone
Brighter than
Any promises that
I could give
Her emerald
Radiated like ruby
And topaz crystals
And he reached for her
And she became
What she always been
History, his story
Leaving me contemplating
Acceptance or misery
My heart he made coal
And I thank him
Because now
When I find him
I mean truly find him
It will shine
For him and only him
As a diamond
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