When I thought of writing this I thought of everything that I’ve done in 2009. All the people I’ve had both positive and negative contact with (especially the loves I found). So when I thought to sit down and put this on paper so to speak I was sitting down watching “The American Dream: The Jackson Story,” flipping through Jill Scott’s poetry book “The moments, The minutes, The hours,” and thinking of you.
When I say you I know people are wondering who this “you” is, but the “you” in this post is more than one person.
Lately I have been debating my goodbyes for this year, and I was having a conversation with a friend of mine about the New Year and its changes. Something key that I have been thinking about is that “No one will change unless ready and not even the New Year will help that.” I have had many things and lost many things this year, but I would have to say that I have come out swinging hard. I’ve fallen and I’ve done repetitive destructive things (especially as it concerns love), but I’ve come out a winner this year. I just want to address some things that I want to change in the New Year.
1. I don’t want to bring people into the New Year that don’t care.
a. If you can’t take the time to call, txt, see about me then I’m sorry I can’t waste that energy on you. I’ve learned many things this year, and one of the most important things is based off this one statement “They are where they want to be” I have been trying to convince some people to care about me the way that I care about them, and frankly I shouldn’t have to. I’m all about proving yourself to gain trust, but eventually when it feels like I’m doing 80%, you’re doing 5%, and the remainder is left up in the air then its not worth it. So I am saying goodbye to these people. And when I say goodbye I don’t mean that “you” can’t call me if you need someone to listen or that I will ignore you if you reach out. But you must realize that the only way to contact me is if you reach out to me.
2. I don’t want to look for the “one”
a. If he is out there then he will come to me, and there’s not much to say on the matter. I will however realize those that are not the “one,” and continue the move on process. What I am realizing is that people will waste your time if you let them. If you constantly respond to those that you know only want you for sex, or only txt when the main thing is acting up then you are the blame. And you cannot complain when every time they text, you answer, and then they end up pissing you off. My advice to myself is MOVE ON!
3. I don’t want to allow people to stop my dreams
a. Meaning don’t allow friends, family, coworkers to change your flow if you have been doing something or have chosen a path then stick to it. Especially if it’s what you really want. Standing up for what you believe in is the most positive and beautiful thing you can do for your life.
4. I don’t want to lose those that are special to me.
a. See people get so caught up with what people do to piss you off. That they forget about all the things that their “friends” and loved ones do for them. Therefore, as I stated in previous post I have cut out many people, not only on facebook but life. Because its time. I was watching a YouTube video by a young man named Lewis H. Williams of ihustlenation.com. And he was talking about how people are bringing people into the New Year with them that they should have dropped three years ago. I have a few people like that, and yes it hurts because I hate to do that to people. But some people are good phone buddies or email buddies once every blue moon. They don’t need to know every aspect of your life, but it’s nice to hear from them every once in a while just to know that they are doing well. Hence, I want to focus on those that are truly there for and care about me.
5. Last, but not least, the past must be what it is.
a. And that is the past. I have experienced hurt throughout my life, but I am at the point where I am letting it control me and my actions. Therefore, the past must stay what it has always been, the past. I cannot change it and therefore I cannot bring it into the future with me. I will never forget it and I will always use it as a lesson, but I cannot and will not allow those things of the past to control me. When you allow the past people or situations to control you, you lose your power. The people of your past are most likely not thinking of how they hurt you, and therefore you are the only one losing sleep.
These are things that I would like to achieve, and things for everyone to think about. Think about things that you’d like to change about your life, and just figure out ways to help you start the change. No one can go cold turkey and change overnight, but we can damn sure start towards the change.
As always please continue to have deep thoughts and reflections.
Much love,
DePoetress <3
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